Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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