he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
