just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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