Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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