To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
