I want to have your abortion
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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