Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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