wakey wakey hands off snakey
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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