Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
