I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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