is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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