Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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