I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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