So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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