wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There r osticjed everywhere
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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