I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
