i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
