OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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