she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
His nipple licking is glorious
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
