Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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