my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
