Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
