The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
