glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
