can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
