If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
