So drunk its hurt
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
