oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm passing your future prison.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
