you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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