I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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