Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
