I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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