Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You pole danced in your parka.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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