I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
