I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
