well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
