He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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