Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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