I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
