Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
