I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i think im in europe. pls send help
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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