I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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