i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Holy sore nipples Batman
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
