Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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