ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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