she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
