don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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