So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
