In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
