remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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