Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm like, not good at living.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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