He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
