just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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